you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
