don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize