he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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