I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
