Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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