nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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