Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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