OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
