I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize