I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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