Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
