A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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