Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
