guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
