i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
