ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
