May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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