just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she peed on how many people?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
