I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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