Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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