Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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