That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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