The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
