If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
