I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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