Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
