i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
