those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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