I must be too annoying 4 u.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
