So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
