I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she looked like the before picture.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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