I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
sex in a hospital.. check
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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