i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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