Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
