As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
