great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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