I'm lost and stupid without you.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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