After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
