wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
thus making me awesome and them whores
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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