There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
