I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
