So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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