hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There are leaves in my underwear?
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