You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
high people should be assigned attendants
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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