I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
