I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize