i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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