my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
being pregnant is like rehab
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
