guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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