it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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