Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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