First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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