Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
