Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
