he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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