Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
