So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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