I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
