There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
