My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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