his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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