would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
