hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
