the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
