I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
