It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
