who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
