If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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