Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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