i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
