I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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