oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
