im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
