I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
