he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
PANTIES FOUND
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