So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
