There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
