Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
