you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
