just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
