I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize