I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
