I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize