i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
