chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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