you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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