I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
