I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
