yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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