So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bring me that man meat
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
