k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
