I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize