The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
