I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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