sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
