Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
