If that was your dad, he is hot
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
