Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
