i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
