his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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