I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
