My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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