I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
