when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
