Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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