I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
