all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize