he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
